


Portrait of a Trashmouth

by GlitterFairy_21225



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Coming Out, Friendship, Gay Richie Tozier, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Needs a Hug, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Soft Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterFairy_21225/pseuds/GlitterFairy_21225
Summary: Eddie survives, and Richie comes out by semi-accident. Good thing his best friends are there and love him too much to let him be too stupid now that they're aware of the situation.The Losers really love Richie and really want Richie to be happy, okay?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Comments: 12
Kudos: 231





	Portrait of a Trashmouth

By nature, Eddie tends to worry a lot. By nature, Richie does not.

Well, maybe that's not true. Maybe he actually worries a lot. Maybe he worries about murderous clowns stabbing everyone he's ever loved to death. Could he really be blamed? And maybe he worries a little too much about stalkers watching him when he goes to sleep. He's famous, sue him. And sure, maybe, a tad more than necessary considering that no matter what he's still white, but more than anything he is constantly afraid of the thought that anyone could ever know his dirty, dirty little secret.

But he doesn't anything can scare him more than seeing a claw stab through Eddie Kaspbrak's chest.

In the horror of the hospital lobby, Richie finds himself wishing he could go back to when he thought his biggest fear was clowns, so naive, not yet realizing that the feelings he felt for his best friend weren't completely platonic. Or at all.

But now he's scared. He's so scared. He should have told Eddie to stay back. Told him to go back to the motel and stay safe. Why didn't he do that?

They should have ditched the city while they still could. They should have never have come to this fucking town at all. They should have... They... They should have just taken all the children in Derry, and made them go somewhere else. Eddie didn't need to get stabbed. But he did. He did get stabbed. Fuck.

Fuck.

He needs to see him. He needs to see him. But the nurse says no. The nurse won't let him. "You don't understand! I have to! I have to!"

"Richie-" Bill tries to stop him.

"I'm sorry sir! Only family is allowed to see the patients for the time being! Just until a family member gives the okay." The nurse holds him back.

There's nothing they can do. Nothing Richie can do. Not even breathe. As in, Richie can't even breathe. He's so useless he can't even breathe. He probably should. Bev is there, in front of him, telling him to breathe. So he should breathe if she wants him too. Richie trusts Bev. If he was ever gonna tell anyone his dirty little secret, it would have been her.

Eddie won't wake up for awhile, Richie doesn't know how long, doesn't know anything at all because no one will tell him because why would they? He's just fucking Trashmouth, and in the meanwhile, Richie eases his stress at the bottom of a bottle.

The other friends share looks at one another. They could tell Richie is itching to get into something unstable, though pretty much all of them were a slip on a banana peel away from wanting to go through that rabbit hole themselves after the day they just had. But they keep together knowing Richie is clearly unstable at the moment. His instability scares them the most. Richie might be the funniest member of their group, but he is not the member with the most breakdowns.

There were certain rules The Loser Club did have to abide by. Sometimes it was which topics were okay to tease each other about (Stutter and Jewish heritage- cool for them and no one else, serious roots of childhood traumas- not so cool for anyone at all). Sometimes it is as small as whose house was cool to chill at. Sometimes it's as big as deciding who's in the right during a fight that could potentially destroy the group.

But one rule Richie doesn't even know about.

Do not ever get into an actual fight with Richie.

Disagreements- fine. Arguments- naturally. Teasing- it's Richie. But fighting, actual screaming and yelling, is not something that you should do with Richie Tozier. It's not that he gets aggressive during a fight, it's that everyone gets agressive.

Sure Richie is annoying. Like really annoying. So annoying that despite not having a 'thing' (Judaism, stutter, slut-shamed, black, etc.) besides wearing glasses, he managed to make a lot of enemies. So annoying that all his teachers used to hate him, even though he was top of every class, technically even gym, cause all you really had to do was show up.

But, and the other losers will eventually take this to their graves, his comedic relief does add a sense of lightness to the situation. Without him it just gets more and more stressful until it all blows up. They've had fights with Richie before. If they're lucky, the fight just ends and they stop talking for awhile as they cool down.

If they aren't lucky it just get worse and worse and worse until it gets so stressful that they just breakdown. Have you ever seen Richie Tozier cry? Because it's not as funny as it sounds. Even worse when you know you're the one who made him cry. Just ask Beverly. She still feels bad about it.

As a result, the Losers approach to Richie's less happy-go-lucky emotions with much hesitation. But they all know they need to help him. Because if Richie could make their lives a little better during the hard times they should certainly return the favor. Any way they can.

Still, it hurts seeing him like this. Trashmouth is loud and weird and inappropriate, so his sadness rings deafening to them. They want to reassure him, they do, but it's not until Ben finally finds strength and approaches the bar slowly, as though walking towards a wild animal.

"Okay, Rich," He tries to take the bottle away from Richie's hands, but he holds on for dear life.

Ben is stronger and ends up dragging Richie away from the bar to slump pathetically on the floor, still clinging to the bottle. Ben clearly tres to be careful, but Richie is just that drunk.

"Hey.... champ." Ben says softly. From the corner of his eye he sees Bev desperately gesturing for him to stop. "Y-you wanna put that down?"

Richie glares up at him. He's not quite with him, but he's aware enough to know that he's looking at an absurdly attractive bastard trying to take away his lifeline.

"Look, I know you're scared. I am too! But Eddie's not gonna leave you. And I don't want to have to explain to Eds that you couldn't visit because of alcohol poisoning."

Richie stares at him for a second. Ben thinks he might have gotten to Richie before he just starts sobbing. Ben gapes like a fish and unsure what to do, and so he wraps his arms around him. Richie returns the hug immediately, cuddling into him.

"This is so sad." Stan whispers even though everyone can hear him, and Bev shushes him, before standing to comfort her friend -and save her new boyfriend- herself.

Before she can, Richie sobs into Ben's neck. "I-I-I'm so gay, Ben."

There it is. He did it. He fucking did it. Someone knows. Someone fucking knows.

Ben stiffens as does Beverley. A glance back at their old friends show that everyone seems surprised by this admission.

"What?" Ben asks.

Richie hiccups and repeats. "I said I'm gay, Ben."

"For Eddie?"

"No, for fucking Bill!" Richie yells, suddenly angry. At least he's not nearly fucking catatonic anymore. "Yes for Eddie!"

And then he becomes catatonic again. And by that, it means he blacks out entirely and slumps unconscious in Ben's arms.

The next morning all Richie can focus on is the piercing feeling in his forehead and-

There's a knock on the door, and the sound only makes the pain worse. Richie groans, and sees Stan enter his room. Richie hides his face under his covers. Stan slowly peels it back. Richie squints up at him. Stan sits on his bed and holds a cup of green slosh over him.

"Drink." 

"Thank you." Richie whimpers and forces himself to accept the bitter-tasting beverage.

"You don't have to thank me." Stan says, and takes the cup from him after Richie finishes and puts it on his nightstand. "I really love you, Rich."

"Aw." Richie smiles like a dope. "I love you too, Stan the Man."

"Not as much Eddie though." Stan cracks a smile back at him.

Richie relaxes back into his bed. "Yeah... I know I can do weird things when I'm upset, and I'm a mess, and you know he's my best friend."

Stan's smile dips. "Richie... I don't think that was a drunk mistake. I think you're a little more than best friends."

"W-what are you talking about?" Richie asks with squinted eyes.

"Earlier. At the bar." Stan elaborates. Richie still stares at him blankly. He sighs. "Richie, you said you were gay for Eddie."

"... What?" Richie whispers.

"Rich-"

"WHAT!?!"

Stan jumps back and Richie suddenly remembers yesterday. The things he said. Oh fuck.

"Richie!" Stan says in concern.

"Nonononononono." Richie gasps. No, this could not be happening. He intends to take that secret to his grave. He'll die in this closet if he has to. "Nope, no, no."

"Calm down, Rich." Stan soothes, putting his hands on his shoulders, effectively helping him breathe in the process. "It's 2016! I have colleagues taking time off to see some parade. Gay marriage has been legal for what? Five years?"

"One." Richie groans, his heart beat going back to normal.

"... Oh." 

Richie sighs, and extends his arms as an invitation. Stan and him hug, and for a long few minutes that's all they need. Two long lost brothers in everything but blood together again and in serious need of each other's comfort. Finally, Stan smiles into Richie's hair.

"I don't know if years of hearing 'your dad' jokes would have been better or worse." Stan says dryly.

Richie scoffs, pretending to be better than that. "Please. Eddie's dad died when we were in kindergarten. I have some standards."

"His mom died a few years ago, didn't stop you at the Chinese place." Stan points out.

"What's your point?"

".... Never mind."

Richie laughs and lays down, and pulls Stan down to a laying position with him. And it's comfortable. God he missed comfortable, even if he forgot what it's like to just hang with your six best friends in the world and just chill, he missed it stuck up in the pressure of Los Angeles.

"You do know we were never going to care right?" Stan asks. When Richie stays silent, he sighs. "Even when we were kids and we were all told awful, awful things. We loved you then and we love you now." Finally, Richie squeezes him tighter. Seemingly relieved, Stan continues. "And to be fair, with the momentum the lgbt+ movement has garnered, and the fact that you're a white dude, you don't bring up politics in your so-called 'humor', and you don't act like a stereotype from 2009, or my friend Frank, I figure that besides from a few pointless dicks, I don't get why you were so-"

Richie starts to snore, much like he did at the Chinese restaurant.

He rolls his eyes and Richie sticks his tongue out at him.

"For the record I am proud of you." Stan says. Richie feels a burst of affection for his childhood friend/brother. "I know it's hard to be accepting of yourself as one of the people everyone always said was sick or crazy. It's even harder to tell people. But you'd never have been happy keeping all that in. Be who you're meant to be. Be proud."

"Fuck. You're the best Stan-the-Man." Richie squeezes him even tighter and sways them back and forth, Stan's shoulders stiff and uncomfortable, and they're back to normal again. "I swear you the third person I was most likely gonna spill to. Right after I broke Eddie's mom's heart, and then told Bev."

"I... appreciate it."

Richie dislodges himself from Stan and stands up, stretching. "Well, I'm gonna go get breakfast. See you downstairs." He starts walking towards the door.

"I wanted to kill myself."

Richie whips around. The words themselves were whispered. Hesitant. Like the speaker was unsure if he wanted them to be heard and yet knew they had to spoken anyway.

"What?" He asks, his chest suddenly tight again.

"Yeah." Stan says, looking down at his hands to avoid eye contact.

"N-no you didn't." He shakes his head.

"Richie-"

"No you didn't."

Stan sighs. "I'm not proud."

"Stan!" Richie says. He needs to breathe. He needs fresh air but there's no way in hell he's leaving Stan alone to his thoughts after that confession.

"I-I attempted a few years ago." Stan shudders out, Richie listening intently with wide eyes. "I- I survived it. Obviously. Got a lot better. But then..."

"You didn't-" Richie manages to choke out.

"I know, I know. I was just so scared when I got the call. I remembered It right away. I'm not sure I even forgot. And I didn't wanna come back. But I knew you guys would only beat It if I was either here or if I was dead, so I just... I was gonna end it."

"What changed your mind?" Richie asks softly. He feels like he should take his hand or something, but decides not to.

"Well.... Patty. My wife. Everyone else might have questionable marriages, but god, I love that woman. She-she's pregnant. And I couldn't leave them. Plus the less child murdering demon clowns in the world that I'm bringing a child into the better."

Despite the fear still gripping his heart, he manages to get out a; "Congratulations."

Stan appreciates this and smiles wetly. "At least I managed to remember his or her or their aunt and uncles before the birth."

"That's right!" Richie says, feeling his mood brighten as he throws his arms around Stan's shoulders again, almost out of fear of letting him get away. "I'm gonna be an uncle!"

"Your sister never had kids?" Stan asks with a chuckle.

"What sister?"

XXX

By the afternoon, Richie still struggles to get used to the idea that all his friends know his secret, but his breathing exercises are interrupted by Beverly knocking on his door. "Okay! I know cigarettes are like cancer bombs now, but we are gonna smoke and watch chick flicks because it's time to make up for the years of having a gay best friend that I have been robbed of."

"Okay, me coming out while drunk does not mean I'm gonna start wearing leather pants and getting manicures."

"And I accept that." Bev replies, sitting on his bed. "That being said.... New Kids on the Block, which member is the cutest?"

"Bev, I- I don't want to-" Richie trips over his words, unsure what to do.

"C'mon." Bev prods, gently kicking him.

"You just wish Ben was gay!" Richie huffs. "That's such a weird way to start a devoted relationship, Bev."

"Uh, untrue, but I'm gonna guess that you do." Bev shoots back with a grin. "I thought you were checking him out earlier."

"Well you've seen him!" Richie laughs. "And so have I, which is more than I can say about that boy band you and Ben loved so much. I have never looked twice at a Backstreet Boys poster."

"New Kids on the Block!"

"I don't know the difference!"

Sighing, but grinning ear to ear, Bev shrugs. "That's okay then, I have one as a wallpaper."

Richie decides not to question why she would have that even as a grown woman and instead studies the poster before pointing at the one in blue. She hums approvingly.

"Fuck." Bev groans. "We could have been gossiping about boys we liked this entire time!"

Richie smiles at her sadly. "Bev... You know I couldn't, right?"

Her face softens. "Dude, I'm joking. You don't owe anything to anyone. Except for yourself." Bev wraps an arm around him. "You deserve the world, Trashmouth. Come out to the rest of the world whenever you feel comfortable with it. Just know you deserve every bit of support. And that you deserve to get the guy just as much as I do."

Richie doesn't know whether that makes him want to groan or laugh so he somehow does both. "Right. You know childhood romances almost never work out. Why should the Losers Club be the exception?"

Beverly snorts. "Richie. _Richie_. The Losers Club is the exception to every rule."

"Point taken."

"I feel like I kinda knew, but I kinda didn't." Bev takes a sip of her wine. "It's weird. Like, I didn't know it was a love thing, but at the same time, calling you guys 'like brothers' always felt like calling you guys 'like men'. Wrong on so many levels."

"It doesn't matter anyway." Richie sighs. "He's married. To a woman. Remember?"

"Right, from the restaurant." Bev nods, recalling what is probably in hindsight flirting. "You do realize that at one point during our reunion, Eddie screamed, and I quote, 'Let's take our shirts off and kiss,' right?" She says, causing Richie to blush. God, he had wanted to take him up on that offer, but the thing is, Richie knew better. He still knows better. A drunken admission doesn't change anything.

He slumps back on the bed sheets. Bev lays down next to him. "To be thirteen, and to act straight, and be thought of as straight, and to have straight friends, and get straight A's, and make jokes about being straight. To be thirteen and have every part of your life straight... except you." Richie sighs. "That's the real joke."

"You worry too much, if you can be gay and have a crush on him, he totally has a crush back."

"He does not!" Richie scoffs.

"He totally does! I mean, I kinda thought to myself, 'Could it be?' when the germaphobe was the only one who took the shower cap off because Trashmouth thought they were lame."

"That was nothing."

"It was not nothing, Rich- he's gonna feel the same way!"

"Shut up." Richie groans without bite.

"It's kinda lucky the two gay guys ended up totally cuddly BFFs then." Bev replies with confidence. He wants to shoot her down and remind her that Eddie's not gay, but at that moment, Bill opens his door, and so she points to him. "What a disaster it would be if you really did fall in love with Bill!"

Bill looks confused, if a little scared, but Richie laughs. "Oh please! That?" He gestures to Bill. "As if anything other than a straight woman would ever be attracted to that!"

"Wha- I-I'm confu- what do you mean by that?" Bill stutters, it's unclear if it's because of his actual speech impediment or legitimate confusion.

Richie shrugs. "Just that you're only ever going to be loved by someone completely straight, no exceptions."

"I-I don't-"

"No bisexual woman will ever love you Bill." Richie finally yells. "No gay man will ever love you. No bisexual man will ever- well.... maybe."

Bill looks like he's been slapped, but Beverly looks weirdly pleased. "It is a crime that I've been robbed of this." She rests a hand on Richie's shoulder. "And I know you weren't in your right mind when you said what you did earlier, but I want you to know how proud I am that you did.

"I love you." Richie says.

"I love you too." Bev pulls him closer until they are hugging.

"Can we go back to something Richie said earlier?!" Bill interrupts.

"NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU BILL!!!!!"

XXX

"Eddie Kaspbrak?" The nurse announces. The Loser Club immediately takes a stand.

There are so many what ifs swimming around his head that he fears he might drown in them. He wonders if they would have worked out. If they had grown up in a time where this sort of thing is considered a little bit more okay. If Richie had told him how he felt as a teenager. If Eddie felt the same way.

He'd like to think he and Eddie would be happy together if that were the case, but Richie honestly doesn't know. He was so deep in the closet, and with them going to different colleges, and the amnesia curse they all got, the chances of them being together is hard to believe. And Richie has never been an optimist.

They could've clawed each other's hearts out, and fuck it, Richie'd probably still love him.

At Eddie's door, Richie puts his hand on the door knob, taking a deep breath. He turns back to his friends in support.

"It's all you, Rich." Stan tells him. "And if he hurts you, just say the word and I'll kill him myself."

Something about how he said that makes everyone silent for a moment. Just staring at him.

Bev is the first to turn away, and instead squeezes his bicep comfortingly. "You can do it Trashmouth. I know you can."

Nodding shakily, Richie enters the room by himself.

Eddie is in the hospital bed, looking exhausted, and like he can barely move, but he still looks beautiful. Richie bites his lip and sits next to him. He hesitates for a moment before taking his hand in his own.

"Hey." He says.

"Hey." Eddie says contently, but then his eyes widen and he gasps. "Oh shit, hospital bills are gonna be hell along with the-"

"Oh don't worry about it. I'm rich, I'll pay." Eddie looks at him in surprise and Richie chuckles. "Yeah, you'd be shocked to find what fame can buy you. I mean, I have like five condos. Last week I bought a yacht with gold railings just because I could. I've had to escape government cloning like nine times. I got it made."

"Bill did mention it was pretty fun." Eddie cracks a smile, causing Richie to fluster.

He could have avoided being famous if he wanted to. In his rise to stardom story, there was no record producer happening upon him on a street corner. He could have stayed at that bar, telling his own jokes if he really wanted to. But he actively sought out fame.

Richie wanted attention. Even without the memories of lonely nights in an empty house, he felt the need to be heard, to make sure he was never invisible again. Strange how he could forget the feeling of his friends' pissed off but undeniably loving attention, but remember the loneliness he felt while his parents were somewhere else.

But at this moment, Richie feels as though the rest world could forget him tomorrow and it would not matter so long as Eddie's here and Eddie looks at him.

He's married, Richie has to remind himself. To a woman. He's straight. Like a line. Like a claw piercing straight through the chest. Straight straight straight.

"I'm getting a divorce, Richie."

"....." Richie stares at him with a blank expression. "......" Eddie waves his hand over Richie's face, "...... What's a divorce?" 

"Richie!" Eddie snaps.

"Kidding!" Richie says, brushing off the gay panic rising up in his chest. "I mean, I'll personally never know the awkwardness of Thanksgiving that comes when you divorce your own mother, but I'll be here for you." Richie says cheekily.

"Fuck you, Rich." Eddie snorts but then a beat passes and he takes a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself for something. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Now you have me scared!" Richie laughs awkwardly.

"No... it's... nothing bad... I guess... Well... actually I don't know... depends, I guess."

"Let me go first!" He interrupts. "I need to tell you something too and I don't think I have the courage to-

"I love you!" Eddie blurts out.

Richie's jaw drops and he stares stunned, speechless for the first time.

"Okay, it's the middle of the night, there's a whole in my chest, and also on my face, and also I love you! And I have never loved my wife and I'm super gay, and if I have to move to California and risk skin cancer and listen to you tell someone else's shitty jokes for the rest of my life, I will gladly do it because I now remember that wrestling in hammock with you at thirteen felt better than anything I have ever felt in my entire marriage."

When Eddie's done, he pants and Richie stares at him speechless. Somehow they're both breathless, even though Eddie was the one rambling

"Say something, Richie." Eddie breathes. Richie feels nervousness radiating off of him and Richie doesn't know why. If anything he should be the nervous one. And he is. God he is. He can actually feel his heart beating against his chest. "Richie?"

"We're gonna be gay uncles to Stan's Jewish baby." Richie blurts out.

Eddie stares at him stunned for a moment, speechless.

This is why he's called Trashmouth.

But then Eddie starts smiling. "So you wanna be in like a relationship?"

Richie smiles back.

XXX

**R+E**

"Is it stupid? It's stupid, right?"

"Why didn't you put our second initials?"

"What?"

"Typically you'd put an 'RT+EK', and also there'd be a heart around it, and-"

"Well! That would make things super obvious."

"You thought I was gonna see it and assume? Nothing was going to make me guess that Trashmouth Tozier carved an amazing, lovey-dovey, beautiful, cliche-"

"Okay, I get it. Now help me carve it in."

"Fine."

"... So you really like it?"

"It's the most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me?"

"Good... Including the decade you were married?"

"Oh, I've never even seen our wedding video. I don't even remember my wedding. I'm pretty sure I was on drugs."

**Author's Note:**

> I think Richie was just jealous because... let's face it, Book Eddie was seriously in love with Book Bill. I get that this is movie-verse, but I headcanon it.


End file.
